Greetings and welcome to my first blog posting of what hopefully will be a series of blogs that will vary in content but, with the underlying themes of personal development and expanding consciousness.
I am a clinical psychologist in private practice specializing in the applications of hypnosis, EMDR, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to a variety of clinical issues. I have also served as a Sport Psychologist with a number of world-class athletes and professional sports teams. Thus, a major underlying theme to most of my work focuses on how to overcome road blocks to achieving optimal or peak performance in different areas of our lives.
Regardless of one’s background, educational level, income or occupation – the hub of the wheel of life and success has to do with one’s self-estimate or self-esteem. Our self-esteem will vary and co-vary in different areas of our life and our effectiveness level, performance or success will correspond to one’s self-estimate on that particular level. For example, one may have a high self-esteem as a manager or communicator of ideas and their performance will correspond accordingly. Whereas, the same individual may have a low self-estimate when it comes to working with numbers or keeping track of business expenditures. Their effectiveness level correspondingly will be low or on “shaky stilts” in this area. Thus, self-esteem can be considered to be the immune system of the mind and genuine self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves when things are not going right.
But, what can we do on a conscious level without years of psychotherapy or psychological excavation to strengthen our self-estimate?
High self-esteem people have good boundaries. They can draw that line in the sand and say ‘no’ to what doesn’t fit or seem right to them. In other words, they choose to define themselves, their needs and beliefs rather than giving their power away and allowing others to define them.
Secondly and perhaps most importantly, they avoid all judgments of themselves or others. Discernment, yes – but whenever you judge someone else, you are judging a part of yourself in them that you don’t approve of in yourself. Thus, all judgments implicitly are self-judgments. Learning to love yourself and learning to love others go hand in hand.
Thirdly, our inner dialogue or self-talk carries on throughout our waking hours at 150 to 300 words per minute or 45,000 to 51,000 thoughts a day! Since all thoughts are treated like “prayers” by the subconscious (it does not judge), high self-esteem persons carefully monitor their inner dialogue as to whether they are “drugging” their minds all day long with good hypnosis or bad hypnosis thoughts. Are we planting weeds or flowers in the garden of our subconscious?
And fourthly, high self-esteem people feel worthy of both receiving from and giving to others. Generally, people with a low self-estimate will be over accommodating and pleasing so as to not risk being rejected by expressing their needs. In some instances, the only way pleasers can justify receiving is to subconsciously get “sick” or have an accident which makes it acceptable to be nurtured or taken care of.
Fortunately, all of the above can be controlled consciously – with mindfulness, giving from the heart and embracing one’s self without judgment. I will be expanding on this important concept in future blogs.